High School Crush - Part Two

Fast forward to our next reunion.

I'm in shock that the next reunion is already upon us and want to share my misery with company. Since the last reunion, I've moved to another state and am no longer in charge of organizing the reunions..thank goodness.

We've moved into the 20th century and our reunion website has a list of classmates that have RSVP'd and also email addresses if you are inclined to give that sort of information out.

I browse my way through the list of classmates, my memories rushing back to the hallways of high school and the familiar faces and names that were once my everyday landscape.

High up on the list in the A's...is the name of my highschool crush.  I linger there on that name for a time, smiling to myself about all the angst that name caused me in my youth...and those butterflies come back for a bit.  I notice that the link for email is active.

I decide to send him an innocent email, you know just to pretend like I don't care what his life situation is -- "I just can't believe it's time for our reunion and what the heck have you been up to lately?".

To my delight, he responds right away and we start a fun and flirty email exchange.  He even makes a few suggestive innuendos.  WooHoo!, but wait...last I knew he was married with two boys and one on the way.  Ugh.

"So how are the boys and the wife?", I'm not exactly sure how I asked without sounding like I truly cared...but he responded back that he's been divorced for about two years and his boys are 10, 8 and 6!  Phew!

In our email exchanges, I find out my long-time crush is not only single and ready to mingle...but also has just recently gotten out of re-hab for cocaine and marijuana.

Huh?  Yes, not only is he divorced with three small children, he is also right out of re-hab, attends AA meetings multiple times a week, is a sponsor to someone else, and owns his own company.

None of these things give me pause.  In fact, I find it honorable that he's been in re-hab, that he's a great father, and that he stays connected to AA and also manages his own company.

In the back of my mind however, I do know that if these attributes were assigned to any other suitor, I would run the other way faster than Michael Johnson.  Being single, never married myself -- those guys that have priorities higher than me are always a struggle.  I want to be number 1, at least a few times a week.  How can I compete with children? A person struggling with sobriety? A business? All things that will always come before me.  And yes, they all should come before me, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept.

All this aside, we continue the emails, sexting, and flirting for a few months and then we decide it was time for me to make a real live visit.

OMG.

I'm excited and mortified all at the same time.

We decide on a weekend in June, while his wife has the kids.  I fly in on a Friday and meet a friend for drinks and a pedicure before he and I meet for dinner.  I desperately needed a distraction and to relieve some anxiety before meeting up with high school crush in person.

Finally, it's time to meet in person.  Will he be everything I remember?  Will he think the same of me?  What if it goes horribly wrong?

The gods were smiling at me, he was everything I remembered.  He still made my heart flutter, and now he was looking at me differently.  In a different-good-I want you more than a friend way.  Seeing him actually felt like being home.  I've known him for my whole life, and here he is again.

We end up having an amazing weekend, we ate sushi, went hiking, and I really had a great time.  *Sigh*.

We continue on through the summer and I fly out a few times for fast fun weekends and he plans a trip to visit me the coming January so he can also take advantage of ski season.

Our reunion comes around, and prior to rekindling my high school crush I did NOT want to go to our reunion.  I felt a bit pathetic, still single and no kids.  Now I had a secret relationship with high school crush.  We attend our reunion but keep our connection a secret, I'm not sure why but it just felt right to keep this information to ourselves.

As the holidays come around so does my birthday and my upcoming visit for Christmas.  Plans are made, presents bought and thoughts of sugar plums dance in my head.

A week before my birthday, I'm at work and get an email.

YES.  An email.

I'm reminded of how some guy broke up with Carrie from Sex in the City by sticky note.  I think email may be worse.

He's met someone else (he met her at AA!) and can't continue our relationship the way it is but really wants to remain friends.

I'm in shock, I've been in love with this person for most of my life...and here he is too chicken to call me on the phone.  I charge through Christmas and New Years pretending like I don't care, telling friends "he's bad on paper and not right for me".  The way we do when we're ashamed someone doesn't love us back.

I finally do move on and we remain friends today.  He will always be my high school crush.

The moral of this story?  Bad on paper (or email) can also be bad in real life.




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