05 July 2012

Blood Diamonds

Recently, I needed a distraction and decided to give internet dating one more try.  I'm not sure why I thought paying for this type of torture was necessary, but I did.

The last time I went on one of these sites, I told myself I would say yes to anyone who asked me out because you never know who you'll meet. This time I'm being a bit more selective, but also open to saying yes to those that I'm not sure about.

This guy, we'll call him D, asked me out to dinner and even though I couldn't tell from his pictures if I was interested, he seemed nice enough and I said  yes.

When deciding on a place to dine with someone new, if a guy isn't willing to leave his neighborhood to meet me for dinner, then I'm less interested in meeting him.  If you can't meet me in the middle for our first date, then you must not want to meet me too badly.  I wouldn't want to inconvenience you too much on a first date after all.

To my delight, I get to choose the restaurant so I choose one that is near his neighborhood, but easy for me and one I also enjoy.  So if all else fails, I know I'll have a good meal.

I get to the restaurant a little early, I know this place can get busy and they don't take reservations, so I thought I'd get there early and put our name in so we don't have to wait a long time for a table.  He shows up on time and only had to wait about 5 minutes before we got a table.  It was perfect timing.

I'm not a totally shallow person, you don't have to be a perfect 10 -- but  you have to have a really fun, funny, happy personality for me to get over any physical attributes that I might not find attractive at first glance.

One physical attribute that is hard for me to get over is crooked or otherwise jacked up teeth.  I know, it's pretty shallow but thank goodness I don't live in England.

D indeed needed a bit of dental work, but like I said if he was great fun to be with I wouldn't even notice the teeth.

In the 5 minutes we wait for a table, he tells me that he owns his own diamond business.  He doesn't have a showroom or much overhead so he can sell diamonds to people for cheaper than most retail outlets, there by saving people quite a bit of cash in some cases.

He tells me that he also carries around a gun because he could have a million or more dollars worth of merchandise on him at any time and he needs to protect himself and his investments.  I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this, but it does make me feel uncomfortable so I quickly change the subject.

The restaurant I've chosen is known for it's Americana comfort food, so he orders the mac and cheese.  I am training for a triathlon and need protein so I order the flank steak and fries.  When our entrees come, he asks me if I want a bite of his mac and cheese and I said "maybe later, I'm fully enjoying my meat!".  I ask him if he want's to try some of the steak and he does.  I give him a few slices.  He then says that the mac and cheese is super filling but that he wishes he ordered the flank steak.  "Would you like another bite?" I say.  And he says yes.  At this point he's eaten most of his mac and cheese and at least half of my flank steak.  I don't offer to give him any more because I want the rest of it for myself.

The conversation isn't really flowing that easily and it's a bit awkward.  I try to engage him in conversation but we end up spending most of the dinner talking about mountain bikes and why he doesn't like any other kind of biking other than mountain biking.  We talked about how much money he's spent on his mountain bike, on his car, and also snowboarding.  I wasn't really head over heels at this point and was actually excited to go home and still a bit hungry.

Instead of prolonging the date any longer I opt for no dessert -- even though I was still hungry and wanted dessert.

The other thing that gives me pause on a first date is the paying situation.  I know guys get tired of paying for dinners and get irritated at paying when the date is bad, so I always offer to pay my share -- and if a guy is really interested in me he won't let me pay.

D let me pay my share.  Actually, the bill was $37-ish and I put down a $20 and he took it and said, "That's perfect."  Ha.

Then he gave me a business card and said "Pass my name onto your friends if they need a deal on diamonds."

"Uh, OK"

Was this a date or a business dinner?  I'm not sure, but what I am sure of is I threw away his card and went merrily on my way.

The moral to this story?  Diamonds are not always a girl's best friend.

04 July 2012

The Giant and the Single Girl (The Giant part two)

I'm a planner, I like to organize my friends so we can do fun activities. I'm pretty inclusive when I organize activities and invite everyone I think would be fun to hangout with.  One of the girls I started inviting to things last summer, we'll call Desperado.  I didn't realize the extent of her desperation until it was too late.

Even though this story is about the Giant and Desperado, there is actually more to this story and it actually starts and ends with a camping trip and has a few more characters.

Let's start with the first camping trip.  It's a large group camping trip with a large group of my friends and their friends and more friends.  There are about 150 people on the trip this particular year and  the 11th year this group has gotten together but only my third time.

I was supposed to go on this camping trip with my friend J, but he decided he didn't want to go this year and left me to go alone.  He had already paid for the trip, so I thought I'd invite a new friend to come along so I would have company on the 3 hour ride.

This new friend, we'll call him HM for HIGH Maintenance.  HM agreed to go and we made plans.  I had already planned on doing the food shopping and driving since J had just driven the weekend before when we went camping in Moab.

HM came upon that nickname because he left me no less than 10 texts about what kind of coffee I was buying, if I had a french press and maybe I should go to Starbucks to pick up his favorite roast.  OMG.  I had no idea I would be the lesser high-maintenance out of the two of us.

I had thought this high-maintenance guy was kinda fun and cute but after these texts I was really annoyed and second guessing my decision to invite him along.

The car ride was actually not bad, we managed to have good conversation and got along the whole way to the campsite.

Once we got to camp, we ended up pitching our tents next to a group of my friends and then also invited Desperado to join us and put her tent with our group.

Desperado set her sights on HM right away and asked me what the deal was with me and him.  She was looking for permission to flirt with him, and I gave it to her -- we are just friends and you are more than welcome to him.

For the next 24 hours, it was actually quite comical watching Desperado throw herself at HM.  She went on and on and on about music and other topics that HM seemed interested in.  On Saturday night after a bottle of whiskey all of her hard work paid off.

Now, before I get to the good stuff -- Let's remember that this is a camping trip with 150 people.  There aren't a lot of places for you to set-up your tent.  Most of our tents are set-up within inches of several other tents.

HM set his tent up next to some trees and because of the high winds we had to move  my friends' tent right next to his so it wouldn't blow away.

Early morning on Saturday, these three girl friends woke up to hear in great detail HM and Desperado having, what we can only assume is bad drunken sex, not that there's anything wrong with that.  There was talk about rhythm and different positions to make it better.  It was so uncomfortable for my friends, they felt like they had had sex with HM.

Don't get me wrong, even though it was super uncomfortable it did make for fun story telling later...many many times.

The car ride home with HM was a little awkward and I couldn't wait to get him out of my car.  Mostly because I was a little (OK maybe a LOT) grossed out that he had slept with Desperado, even drunkenly so.  I don't see the appeal, but everyone needs to get some I guess.

Let's fast forward a few weeks...

A few weeks after I had left my phone at the Giant's house (see The Giant (Part One), Desperado had organized a fund-raiser-baseball game and I invited the Giant to join me.  The night before the baseball game, the Giant had told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship and that he just wanted to be friends with me.  Ugh.  OK.

There was a happy hour before the baseball game and it had literally been hours since the Giant told me he wanted to be friends.  At the happy hour is a super tall girl who asks Desperado about my Giant friend and if he was single.  She looks at me and says "Yes, I think he is available".  I give her a look like no, he's not...and she asks with who?  Ugh. I quickly say me, knowing that it isn't true, but I just needed a moment to let it go before I set him up with someone else.

The rest of the night, just to make sure I knew the Giant and I weren't an item, he sat and chatted with Desperado through the most of the baseball game.

I'm not sure if Desperado said something or the tall girl...but word got back to the Giant that I said we were dating.  Ugh.  OK I got caught, now I'm humiliated and embarrassed, but whatever, what's done is done.  He tells me what he's heard, basically in front of everyone at the game and I apologized after I recover from my mortification.

Also previous to that evening, word got back to Desperado that we were telling and retelling the camping sex story.  She came up to me and told me it hurt her feelings that we were talking about those particular details of the camping trip.  I apologized, but also feel like once you do something like that on a camping trip with 150 people, you sort of loose the right to privacy.  We moved on...or so I thought.

Later, after the baseball game a few of us went to Karaoke and sang and sang.  Since I was the designated driver and I had picked the Giant up, I unfortunately also had to give him a ride home after all that had happened that night.

I get to his house to drop him off and thank goodness I can be on my way.  Just as I stop the car in front of his house, he says he wants to play the piano for me.  Remember that baby grand in his living room?  Ugh.  I say no about 10 times and then finally give in.

That next day there are several long e-mails between me and Desperado...in a medium sized nut shell, she says her feelings are hurt about the camping sex story and what's the deal with me and the Giant?

I apologize again and say the Giant decided he didn't want a relationship but that we had been romantically involved the last few weeks...She thanked me and said she was looking forward to this coming weekend's camping trip and promised there wouldn't be any sex stories to be had.

I had invited a bunch of fun friends to go camping with me in the mountains.  There were about 12-15 people camping and some of them didn't know each other...I was the only common denominator.  Gathering such a group of friends can either be a blast or a horrifying experience depending on how everyone gets along -- and you never know which way it'll go until it's too late.

The good news for everyone on the trip was that all these new friends were having a blast.  Even the Giant, who ignored me all day and then decided to crawl into another girls tent right next to mine...sound familiar?

We were in a regular campsite the first night and it's a popular campsite along a beautiful alpine lake, so the place was packed.  We got in trouble about 10 times for making too much noise which led to me getting a citation the next day for noise violations.

This didn't really bother anyone, but I hadn't had any sleep since I was listening to the Giant and this other girl talk all night 6" away from me.  Seriously, couldn't he have waited until they got back to town and I didn't have to be a witness?

Anyway, the group decides to go find another campsite where we can be as loud and obnoxious as we want without disturbing the peace.  Part of the group leaves to go scout out a new spot while the rest of us stay back.

I'm having a hard time holding it together.  Not only did I feel responsible for the "happiness" of the campers and the camping trip, but I was also humiliated by the Giant yet again.  I blamed my tears and bad mood on the $50 citation, and didn't think anyone believed me.

The scouting team called and said the found a spot and to meet them down the road at the general store.  Once we got there we waited in the parking lot for the scouting team for what must have been over an hour. This is totally not what I had planned for this camping trip...I had envisioned us floating on the lake all day and not standing in the middle of a blasting hot parking lot.

At this point Desperado had set her sights on the Giant and was putting her flirt on.  Now, she didn't know he had spent the night in another girls tent, and I doubt if she knew she would care.

I had just managed to pull myself together and now I have to watch Desperado in yet another full court press.  Of course, the Giant isn't helping matters either.  Desperado even coos about the Giant's convertible and asks if she can ride to the new campsite shotgun.

Unfortunately, the scouting team hadn't really found a camping spot so we were standing in yet another parking lot, Desperado on a mission, and I can't take it anymore.  I'm on the verge of loosing my mind and bursting into tears.

I tell one of my girlfriends that I want to leave, she said she kind of does too so I make up a story about how I'm too upset about the ticket and I need to leave.  Everyone is a bit shocked but I can't hold it together anymore.

I end up going back to the original campsite with three other girlfriends and we had a very lovely evening sitting by the fire chatting.  Desperado to no one's surprise ended up sharing her tent with the Giant.

Months later, I was chatting with one of the other campers and retold this story.  He was shocked and had no idea this drama was occurring.  Then he said, "You know what is really messed up?", "After you left, I asked Desperado if she knew the real reason why you had left, and she said she thought it was because of her".

She knew the whole time I was upset and did nothing to stop or to make the situation better.  Needless to say, I've stopped inviting her to my outings.

The moral to this story? Watch out for those wolves in desperate single girls clothing.

24 June 2012

The Giant (part one)

Even though I am very tiny, I have a thing for really tall guys.  I know, it's unfair and silly, but the less I feel like I'm with my brother the better.

One of my friends knows this about me, brings along a new tall guy friend -- we'll call him the giant, to my 4th of July barbecue.  The Giant is 6'8", I actually think he's a bit taller but won't admit it to anyone (like me, haha).

A few months go by and I get a text from the Giant asking me if I want to meet up with him and some friends downtown?  I had been competitive drinking all day at a flip cup tournament so my friends and I were not in any shape to be traveling about the city, we were going to stay right where we were.  He understood and invited me to the park the next day to play some volleyball.

I show up the next day at the park for volleyball and meet his friends.  My friends were on their couches recovering from the competitive drinking.

We had a fun day of volleyball and decide to meet up at Jazz in the Park after we shower and change.  Even though I was flirting with the Giant, his body language and interactions lead me to believe he wasn't interested.  That was OK, he was fun to hangout with so I wasn't torn up about it -- I had made a fun new friend who actually had some pretty cute friends that could be interested!

That next Thursday a friend was having a birthday party at a local bar and I invited the Giant and a few of his friends to join us.

The evening was fun, there was a lot of laughing, singing and chatting.  When it was time to go home, the Giant offered me a ride in his new convertible.  I jumped in the back over the side of the car, because he refused to get out of the car so I could get in...very gentlemanly of him, I know.

I threw my things in the back of the car and hopped in.  I got safely to my car and drove home.

When I got home, I realized that when I threw my things in the back seat -- my phone wasn't in my purse and now was still in the back seat of the Giant's car.

I'm not surgically attached to my phone, but it is a nice convenience -- especially at a concert just in case you get separated from your friends.  Which is exactly where I was going on Friday night.  I logged into my computer and sent an email to the Giant letting him know I thought I left my phone in his back seat.  He had actually been at his computer responding to an email from his real estate agent when my message came through.  He went out to his car and did indeed find my phone.

He sent me an email asking if I wanted to pick up my phone that night, so I would have it for the weekend.  I was actually hoping that I could pick the phone up in the morning, but tonight would be fine.  He emailed me directions to his house and told me to pull up into the alleyway and he'd meet me out there.  Perfect, he only lived like 3 miles away, he'll be waiting outside and I can get the phone and run back home.

Once I got to the alleyway, I rolled my window down expecting him to hand me my phone.  He however, pointed to where I should park.

Uh, where's my phone?

"It's inside, park here and we'll go get it"

Ugh.  OK, and now I'm a bit nervous, because now I'm realizing my unlocked phone was in the hands of two guys.  Oh yes, I forgot to mention one of his cute friends was staying the night on the couch that night.  I also had a little crush on his cute friend (we'll call him tiny, you'll hear about him in a future post) but both of these guys were not showing much interest in me, so I was thinking that we were just all new friends.

My worries were confirmed when I walked into the kitchen -- both of them had gone through my phone and read through my text messages and my pictures.  Unfortunately, there were some incriminating pictures and a text chain between me and my friend about these two people who were holding my phone hostage.  I'm mortified and can't wait to get out of there.

Tiny handed me my phone and the Giant asked me if I wanted a tour of his place.  It's about 12:30am on a school night so I try to decline but he goes and starts the tour anyway.

He shows me the living room, which has a baby grand piano -- I'm actually impressed.  He is an amazing musician and I'm actually dying to hear him play the piano.  But the tour goes on.  In the basement are more musical instruments, then we head upstairs...where the tour ends in his bedroom.

Good planning on his part, but awkward...remember the other cute friend is downstairs on the couch!

I'm not going to tell you how I got out of this situation, but let's just say I did leave with my phone.

The moral to this story?  The buck and the tour stops here.

23 June 2012


Everyone's answer to a single person is "you should try internet dating!", "my friend/brother/uncle/sister found her husband/wife that way!". Blah, blah blah. This is starting to sound like one of those urban legends.

So, moving to a new city, I decide to give it a try.

I fill out my profile so it's very clear that I am new to the city and that I'm looking to meet new people, make some new friends and if a relationship should come along, that would be great -- I am like a squirrel, any fast movements and I run like the wind.

I decide if I'm going to try this online dating thing, then I'm going to say yes to anyone who asks me out and give everyone at least two dates.  I believe that first dates are often awkward and people need a second chance.  Now, there are exceptions to these rules...if there are more than 15 years age difference or I really am not attracted to a person then I will politely decline.

I start to get messages from TMI guy.  I don't know that he's TMI guy yet, you'll figure out soon why he has that title.

He soon asks me out and I accept.  I'm not super excited to meet this person as I'm only marginally attracted to him from what I can tell of his online pictures.  So the first two times we try to get together, I reschedule.  Mostly because I work 30 miles away from where I live and sometimes sitting in traffic for over an hour can exhaust me and once I get home I want to stay there.  That's truly what happened here, of course if I were excited to meet him I may have made an exception.

Finally, the evening has come to meet.  I choose a local bar in my neighborhood, because I know the bar tender and if things don't go well, he will keep me good company.

I get there a few minutes early and find two seats at the bar.  My bartender is working and I'm relaxing with this friendly chit chat.

20 minutes go by and I'm wondering if I've been stood up, but not really worried about it as I am having a nice time at the bar.  My phone rings and it's TMI guy.  He's a bit angry sounding and asking me where I am.  I tell him I've been at the bar for over 20 minutes waiting.  He says "Oh, I thought you were standing me up, I didn't see you inside."

No worries, I'm here.

He comes into the bar and finds me.  The first thing he says to me is "Wow, you look just like your pictures.", I think Hmm, I can't decide if I want you to look like your pictures or better.  "Thank you, what would you like to drink?"

He orders a beer and then starts to tell me about how he went on an internet date a few months back and when he saw the girl enter the bar he put his hat on and hid then ran out.  The girl saw him walking out of the bar and called him.  She evidently was heavier than he had expected, and didn't have any transportation.  Then she guilt-ed him into giving her a ride home because it was a very cold winter night and she had taken the bus to meet him.

Now, if this had happened to me and I had left someone after seeing what they really looked like -- I would feel like a complete jerk and never tell that story out loud to anyone, none the less a potential suitor.

I don't really know how to respond to his story, other than to say "Wow" and make a "that sucks" face.  Just before I pound some beer and give the bartender friend a wide-eyed-OMG look.

He must be nervous because he starts asking me all kinds of not appropriate for the first five minutes of meeting sorts of things.  The best one is "So, what are your deal breakers?"

Um, people who ask me what my deal breakers are?  I'm not even sure I know what he means.

It's a bit awkward for a few minutes because I don't answer this question, then he launches into this story:

"So, if you ever come over to my house, I want you to know ahead of time that there is a woman living with me, but we're just friends and nothing is happening between us."

"Oh?" I say, confused as to why I may find myself at his house seeing as I've already decided there will not be a second date.

"Yeah, her and her husband are good friends of mine and they planned a trip to travel around the world.  They stayed with me for a few weeks before their trip after they had sold all of their stuff.  Their first stop was Hawaii and when they got there the husband killed himself."

Yikes! I am actually speechless at this point and can't believe he's telling me a story that contains a suicide!

Evidently there was some sort of drama between the woman and her mom/family (he told me the long story, but at this point I was only hearing blah blah blah blahs) so evidently the woman's only option was to move back in with TMI guy while she got her life back together.

"Wow", is all I can manage to say.

He also tells me that him and this woman "stole" a pit bull puppy from some car accident, pit bulls are illegal in most counties where I live, and evidently there was a car accident or something where the police may have turned the dog in to authorities, so he hid the puppy in his shirt and left the scene.  So if I come over, I'll also meet his pit bull.  Nice.

There was maybe 20 minutes more of small talk and then I hand the bartender my credit card.  The bartender gives me a deal and I tip, like I'm happy to be alive after a plane crash.

TMI guy asks me if I want to go out again, and I said yes but the next week is bad for me because I am going out of town and have a super busy week.  The truth is, I didn't really want to go out again, but thought that maybe I'd change my mind and feel bad and want to give him a second chance.

He seemed OK with not hearing from me for a week and we said our good-byes.

A few days later, literally a few days -- not after the week I said I'd call...I get an angry text "This is BS (he spelled it out) if you didn't want to F&%cken see me then you should have said so".

What?  Yikes.

Well, thank you for making this easy for me.  No, I would not like to see you again.

The moral to this story?  Yes, there is such a thing as too much information.

22 June 2012

Goody Two Shoes

This story starts out very platonically, in fact it shouldn't be a story at all, but alas my dear Fiona fans - my friend did not disappoint.

A few summers ago I went to my high school reunion. One of the guys at the reunion - we'll call him Goody Two Shoes, he introduces me to his lovely wife and then after she walks away tells me that he'll be in my town in a few months and we should get together for dinner.

Well, that sounds like fun! A few old high school pals catching up.

He then says "you can give your other boyfriends the night off, because I'll be all you need."

Hmm. I'm sure he's just kidding.

We exchange numbers, and I forget about the plans we've made to catch up when he's in town.

A few months go by and I get a text from Goody Two Shoes, letting me know he'll be in town next week and let's make plans to get together for dinner.

Yes! Let's make plans.

The reason we call this guy Goodie Two Shoes is because he is a 6'-ish tall African American man that has probably 1% (ok maybe 3%) body fat. He is one big muscle, is good at every sport he trys, doesn't drink alcohol, doesn't smoke, and makes everyone believe he lives life on the straight and narrow. Now, I only say "makes people believe", because of my own personal experience and those experiences my high school crush has had with him too.

As we are making plans for dinner, there are several suggestive "sexts" from him to me. I wish I could remember exactly what was said, because it was so clever -- If I were to call him on any of his comments, he could easily reply "I was just teasing you, don't be so sensitive"...but if I were inclined to "play", it was a good way to take the temperature of my interest.

I of course ignored all comments, as I wasn't inclined to "play" but I also didn't want to make an issue out of the texts, as I was only meeting him for dinner and then I'd probably not see him again for several years.

It turns out he's in town for three evenings and he wants to have dinner with me all three evenings. He tells me to pick all my favorite places and show him a bit of the town.

The first night he's in town, I pick him up at his hotel and we go to one of my favorite restaurants. I go into the evening knowing that I'll be drinking alone, so I'm going to make it count. I order a glass of champagne, then to my surprise, Goody Two Shoes orders a glass as well. Nice! Maybe this evening will be more fun than I anticipate.

During dinner, Goody Two Shoes goes on and on and on and on (ugh!) about loosing weight, how many calories he eats, how many calories he burns, all about the calorie counter bug he is wearing, and how much he works out. Now, don't get me wrong, me -- being a tom boy who is genetically pre-disposed to building muscle easily, I actually do enjoy a good conversation about muscle building and work outs. A conversation that continues on for more than an hour? No thank you. You lost me at "I count every calorie I eat and burn". Booorrrrriiing.

Dinner is finally over and I can't wait to drop his calorie counting butt off at his hotel.

While we were in the car stopped at a traffic light, a couple crosses the street in front of us. The woman has on a tiny mini-skirt. Goody Two Shoes says "You should have worn a skirt like that, for easy access and multi-tasking".

Ah, Excuse me?

"Ha ha", I nervously say. "there will be no multitasking tonight!" Just in case there was any confusion on that matter. We get to the hotel porte coucher and he thanks me, leans over for a hug and plants a kiss on me. I catch it and turn my head just in time for him to kiss mostly cheek and a little side lip. My eyes are big and I'm saying quickly "OK, thanks for a great evening! See you later!" and thinking "get the heck out of my car!". He even asked me if I wanted to come up to his room and hang out. "NO Thanks". I have a root canal or something I'm very late in getting to, but thank you so much for the offer...maybe next time or never.

The next two evenings were more of him talking about calories and work outs. Since I had given him the Heisman the first night, he didn't try to pull any more moves on me. He did continue on with the sexual innuendos, but I just ignored him.

Even though he was on a business trip, I paid my share of the tabs each night. On our last night, as we are paying our check he says "I'm going to have to be creative in how I turn in these expenses." Which confirmed how cheap he was. Not only was he allowing me to pay my share, but he wasn't even paying his share! He was expense-ing it.

The moral to this story? Sometimes good isn't always better.

21 June 2012

High School Crush - Part Two

Fast forward to our next reunion.

I'm in shock that the next reunion is already upon us and want to share my misery with company. Since the last reunion, I've moved to another state and am no longer in charge of organizing the reunions..thank goodness.

We've moved into the 20th century and our reunion website has a list of classmates that have RSVP'd and also email addresses if you are inclined to give that sort of information out.

I browse my way through the list of classmates, my memories rushing back to the hallways of high school and the familiar faces and names that were once my everyday landscape.

High up on the list in the A's...is the name of my highschool crush.  I linger there on that name for a time, smiling to myself about all the angst that name caused me in my youth...and those butterflies come back for a bit.  I notice that the link for email is active.

I decide to send him an innocent email, you know just to pretend like I don't care what his life situation is -- "I just can't believe it's time for our reunion and what the heck have you been up to lately?".

To my delight, he responds right away and we start a fun and flirty email exchange.  He even makes a few suggestive innuendos.  WooHoo!, but wait...last I knew he was married with two boys and one on the way.  Ugh.

"So how are the boys and the wife?", I'm not exactly sure how I asked without sounding like I truly cared...but he responded back that he's been divorced for about two years and his boys are 10, 8 and 6!  Phew!

In our email exchanges, I find out my long-time crush is not only single and ready to mingle...but also has just recently gotten out of re-hab for cocaine and marijuana.

Huh?  Yes, not only is he divorced with three small children, he is also right out of re-hab, attends AA meetings multiple times a week, is a sponsor to someone else, and owns his own company.

None of these things give me pause.  In fact, I find it honorable that he's been in re-hab, that he's a great father, and that he stays connected to AA and also manages his own company.

In the back of my mind however, I do know that if these attributes were assigned to any other suitor, I would run the other way faster than Michael Johnson.  Being single, never married myself -- those guys that have priorities higher than me are always a struggle.  I want to be number 1, at least a few times a week.  How can I compete with children? A person struggling with sobriety? A business? All things that will always come before me.  And yes, they all should come before me, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept.

All this aside, we continue the emails, sexting, and flirting for a few months and then we decide it was time for me to make a real live visit.


I'm excited and mortified all at the same time.

We decide on a weekend in June, while his wife has the kids.  I fly in on a Friday and meet a friend for drinks and a pedicure before he and I meet for dinner.  I desperately needed a distraction and to relieve some anxiety before meeting up with high school crush in person.

Finally, it's time to meet in person.  Will he be everything I remember?  Will he think the same of me?  What if it goes horribly wrong?

The gods were smiling at me, he was everything I remembered.  He still made my heart flutter, and now he was looking at me differently.  In a different-good-I want you more than a friend way.  Seeing him actually felt like being home.  I've known him for my whole life, and here he is again.

We end up having an amazing weekend, we ate sushi, went hiking, and I really had a great time.  *Sigh*.

We continue on through the summer and I fly out a few times for fast fun weekends and he plans a trip to visit me the coming January so he can also take advantage of ski season.

Our reunion comes around, and prior to rekindling my high school crush I did NOT want to go to our reunion.  I felt a bit pathetic, still single and no kids.  Now I had a secret relationship with high school crush.  We attend our reunion but keep our connection a secret, I'm not sure why but it just felt right to keep this information to ourselves.

As the holidays come around so does my birthday and my upcoming visit for Christmas.  Plans are made, presents bought and thoughts of sugar plums dance in my head.

A week before my birthday, I'm at work and get an email.

YES.  An email.

I'm reminded of how some guy broke up with Carrie from Sex in the City by sticky note.  I think email may be worse.

He's met someone else (he met her at AA!) and can't continue our relationship the way it is but really wants to remain friends.

I'm in shock, I've been in love with this person for most of my life...and here he is too chicken to call me on the phone.  I charge through Christmas and New Years pretending like I don't care, telling friends "he's bad on paper and not right for me".  The way we do when we're ashamed someone doesn't love us back.

I finally do move on and we remain friends today.  He will always be my high school crush.

The moral of this story?  Bad on paper (or email) can also be bad in real life.

27 August 2008

High School Crush(es) - Part One

My stories would not be complete without a story about High School Crush.

It all started back in high school. He was the football quarterback and alas, I was never a cheerleader. I was what was once called a "Tom Boy" but now that term is not politically correct anymore. I guess now you would say I was "athletic". I played a different sport every season. Soccer, Track & Field, Softball. I was a Bo Jackson wannabe, or so I thought. Truth be told I REALLY wanted to be a cheerleader - but thought my talents best used in sports.

I met my high school crush well before our freshman year actually started, since we were to report to daily doubles - two practices in one day to get ready for the soccer (in his case football) season about a month prior to the first day of school. We became fast friends and I tried to hide my undying love for him but I'm sure he saw right through me. There were quite a few girls vying for his attention, so I always stood back and pretended that I didn't care or wasn't interested.

We never actually dated, just danced around the idea. I think I was too scared - I had built him up so much in my mind, I didn't want a real relationship to ruin the fantasy. There was one close call, I remember there was a school dance in our senior year and we danced to Prince's Purple Rain...that was very dreamy since the song is nice and slow and about 8 minutes long!

We graduated shortly after that night and went our separate ways.

The first time I saw him after graduation was at our 10 year reunion. He still made my heart pound, but he was married with two children (boys) and one on the way (turns out was a third boy!). At the reunion, I felt amazing. I had an amazing job, was in great shape, and was one of the few that probably looked better after 10 years than I did in high school.

One of the unwritten rules of student government is you become in charge of your reunions long after you've served your term. In high school I was student body vice-president. This means I had the pleasure of coordinating our reunion. I used this to my advantage. For our Friday night social I chose a bar that was owned by a college friend. This was my safety net. I knew everyone who worked at this bar, the owner and most of the patrons since I lived in the neighborhood and also went to school with them. I felt that I could easily attend my reunion alone knowing I could always chat with the bartender if things got too boring.

After imbibing in a few libations...I feel like Leonardo DiCaprio at the helm of the Titanic. I decide it would be a good idea to dance on the bar (I've done it several times before) and then after my "show" I sit on the edge of the bar and attend to my fans.

Now, here is a twist. I have a different guy friend, who was my best friend in high school - and admittedly had a crush on me for four years. His story is mine in reverse. We were always friends, at one point I had a crush on him too, but nothing ever came of it. We'll call him BFF.

As I am sitting on the bar, my BFF comes up and starts making out with me while I sit on the bar!

At first I'm taken aback and a little surprised, but also enjoying this little public make out session. I am also very aware that high school crush may witness this public display of affection and decide to cut the session short. You know, not to ruin any chances I have with a married guy...what?

By the end of the evening, everyone is nice and happily buzzed. We decide the best idea is to walk back to my car and for me to give everyone a ride home. Including high school crushes best friend who happens to be a State Patrolman. Not the most brilliant idea we've had, but it all turns out OK in the end.

I plan the drop-offs so that I end up with high school crush alone in the car.

A funny side-note, before my parents bought the house I grew up in...high school crush and his family lived in it! What a crazy small world.

Back to our story.

High school crush lived near the house I grew up on and near this lookout/make out spot that is atop a butte that overlooks the city in all directions. We decide we don't want the evening to end, to my delight and decide to go to this butte before I drop him off at home.

We get to the top of the Butte and wander our way up to the viewpoint in the dark. It is very pretty up here and the view of the city at night is sparkly.

We're chatting and I stand up on the ledge, because I'm tiny and I also want to see over the wall. Which, by happenstance (ha ha) makes me almost as tall as high school crush. He takes the bait and leans in to give me a hug and then starts to kiss me. Mmmm. This is nice, then I remember he's married! Gah.

Against my will, I pull away and mumble something about not wanting to get involved with a married guy and I take him home.

I didn't talk to him or see him after that...but I did have a few good day dreams.

The moral to this story? Old dogs don't have any new tricks.