"Crazy Trucker Hat"
At one of my recent jobs I had the luxury of working from home but also had the option of working from the headquarter office whenever I wanted. They furnished me with an awesome corner window cube. On the occaisions I had to go into the office it was a great place to get some work done.
One day while I was at said office, I was working on a project that had me interact with co-workers in one of the categories I hadn't worked with much. I end up meeting and working with a cute guy. He had a financial/inventory type job and looked the part - khakis, button down shirt, clean cut. He also seemed to keep up on his personal hygiene. Added to the fact that he had a good job he seemed promising.
We chatted/flirted for a bit and I find out that he's from my home state. Cool, we have something else in common. We exchange phone numbers and text/e-mail flirt for about a week, and of course I make up a few extra excuses to work in the office that week.
We finally decide that we should go to happy hour and make a plan for the upcoming Thursday, which happens to be the Thursday before memorial day weekend (this will be important to note for later).
The big day of the date/happy hour comes and I have on a really cute summer outfit showing off the tan I've gotten from spending many hours doing yard work.
I am in the office and run into cute office guy a few hours before our date. He tells me a few times that he has an errand to run after work, but he's going to leave a bit early to run said errand so that he can meet me at the bar at 5pm. I tell him i think that's a great plan and I'll see him then.
It's 5pm and he texts me to tell me that he's already at the bar and he's got us a table upstairs. I'm just on my way in so I text back that I'll see him momentarily.
As I round the corner of the upstairs bar to find him, I notice that he's transformed himself from cute office guy to gangster skater guy. He is now wearing a trucker hat, diamond earrings, sunglasses, the same button down shirt from the office, shorts and skater shoes. When I realize that this new person is really cute office guy, I think to myself "well, OK I guess I can go with this."
The check comes and we're at a bar so the tab was only $35.00. I throw down a $20.00 bill, he pockets it and puts the tab on his credit card without even acknowledging that I pitched in. Alright whatever, he probably needs the extra dough for his next hit.
As we are walking to the next bar he grabs me and starts kissing me. My immediate thought is, well if he's a good kisser that could redeem the whole date and the evening wouldn't be a total loss.
Unfortunately, I think he still has my tonsils and half of my face is covered with slobber. So hot and sexy. Before I figure out how to stop this train wreck he stops kissing me and like I have a snack on my shoulder - he BITES me. Not a fun/sexy nibble, a full mouth with teeth BITE.
Ouch!
Even if I secretly did like pain and biting...I certainly wouldn't like it in public on the street!
So I pry him off of me and tell him I'm parched and need a drink fast. Phew. As we continue walking down the street - he SLAPS my ASS!
Seriously, I wasn't into the biting, certainly not going to be into the spanking.
We finally make it to the next bar and he's still trying to get me to come home with him. "Look", I say "I'm not going to go home with you".
He gets up, pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and goes to the bar to borrow a pen. He writes something on the paper and hands it to me.
It takes me a few minutes to realize what he's given me.
It's a coupon. Seriously. Like that shit needs to be discounted.
It reads:
"Raincheck
Good for one
"good lovn"
before 5/28/2007"
Um. Thank you?
He decides that his job is done and it's finally OK for us to end the date - now that there is a rain check he doesn't need to stress out about getting me back to his place.
We ask for the bill and then he strategically heads to the restroom. I pay the tab, my fault for wanting to get out of there as fast as possible.
You'll be happy to know my Fiona fans, that I did get home safely with all of my skin intact.
Several days later, I have to be back in the office for some meetings. I happen to run into Crazy Trucker Hat while I'm at the office. At first I'm a little mortified and thinking to myself - boy this is going to be awkward. Is he going to ask me why I never redeemed the coupon?
To my surprise and relief he acts like nothing ever happened, like we never saw each other outside of the office and is very friendly and chatty - he's back to cute office guy. No mention of the coupon.
Now, if this guy (cute office guy) had showed up on the date instead of Crazy Trucker Hat...maybe the outcome would've been different.
The moral to this story? You don't always get what you pay for.
p.s. So the burning question is, would he still redeem the coupon if I asked? Is it transferable to someone else? Can the expiration date be extended? and what if the lovn' isn't good? Is there a refund policy?
I think you'll agree, we should just leave those questions unanswered.
One day while I was at said office, I was working on a project that had me interact with co-workers in one of the categories I hadn't worked with much. I end up meeting and working with a cute guy. He had a financial/inventory type job and looked the part - khakis, button down shirt, clean cut. He also seemed to keep up on his personal hygiene. Added to the fact that he had a good job he seemed promising.
We chatted/flirted for a bit and I find out that he's from my home state. Cool, we have something else in common. We exchange phone numbers and text/e-mail flirt for about a week, and of course I make up a few extra excuses to work in the office that week.
We finally decide that we should go to happy hour and make a plan for the upcoming Thursday, which happens to be the Thursday before memorial day weekend (this will be important to note for later).
The big day of the date/happy hour comes and I have on a really cute summer outfit showing off the tan I've gotten from spending many hours doing yard work.
I am in the office and run into cute office guy a few hours before our date. He tells me a few times that he has an errand to run after work, but he's going to leave a bit early to run said errand so that he can meet me at the bar at 5pm. I tell him i think that's a great plan and I'll see him then.
It's 5pm and he texts me to tell me that he's already at the bar and he's got us a table upstairs. I'm just on my way in so I text back that I'll see him momentarily.
As I round the corner of the upstairs bar to find him, I notice that he's transformed himself from cute office guy to gangster skater guy. He is now wearing a trucker hat, diamond earrings, sunglasses, the same button down shirt from the office, shorts and skater shoes. When I realize that this new person is really cute office guy, I think to myself "well, OK I guess I can go with this."
As you might have guessed this is where he gets the "Trucker Hat" part of his nickname.
We have a few beers and finally I get up the nerve to ask him if the errand he had to run was to go home and put on his accessories. He laughs and says "no, I had to go home to get high". Ahh, that explains the sunglasses. So I say "you had to get high before going to happy hour with me?".
"Oh no, I just needed to get high" he replies.
Oh, I'm thinking that's worse. Regardless, I decide to just hang in there and not be judgemental.
We're then casually chit chatting about our home state and getting to know each other. He precedes to tell me that he used to have dreadlocks but he cut them off...and he keeps them in a box in his closet now.
What?!
I'm now a little grossed out and have visuals of him making a coat out of my skin later. "Eeeeeeew, do they smell?" I ask trying my hardest not to be judgemental and freaked out. I don't recall his answer, regardless I don't think you want to know either.
Since we've had a few beers I let this go as well. To be honest it didn't actually occur to me that I should be afraid for my life until the next day as I'm retelling the story and all of the details are strung together.
At the time, the company we work for had just been bought out by another company so everyone was in flux and trying to figure out what their next career move is going to be. At this point I ask him if he's heard of a certain skater brand as I was entertaining a job opportunity. He says "Yes! In fact I just bought a new board! Look at this big scrape I got the other day when I wiped out!". This is where he lifts his leg up to show me a very large scab on his leg. Ga-rosss. I'm again thinking about what else he might have in his closet and bile is starting build in the back of my throat.
He then asks me if I have a camera and still confused and reeling from how this date is unraveling that I answer without thinking. "Yes". He takes my camera and takes a picture of his huge scab while saying something about how cool or big it is (really at this point I'm trying to make sense of what's happening). He hands my camera back to me and asks me if I can e-mail him that pic later.
Um no, that is definitely not going to happen. I of course mumble something like "sure" and throw the camera back into my bag.
At this point I'm still not putting all the events together and trying to be accepting and cool by not freaking out.
We decide that we need to figure out what we are doing next and he asks me "How about you come back to my place so we can blaze (smoke pot) and have sex".
Hmm. I'm thinking to myself, yeah going home with you to be your sex toy while you get high, sounds like a whole lot of fun. Is that him sizing me up to see if I have enough skin to make a coat?
"No, let's go someplace else and have another drink" I say. At this point, I feel like I'm WAY too sober.
We have a few beers and finally I get up the nerve to ask him if the errand he had to run was to go home and put on his accessories. He laughs and says "no, I had to go home to get high". Ahh, that explains the sunglasses. So I say "you had to get high before going to happy hour with me?".
"Oh no, I just needed to get high" he replies.
Oh, I'm thinking that's worse. Regardless, I decide to just hang in there and not be judgemental.
We're then casually chit chatting about our home state and getting to know each other. He precedes to tell me that he used to have dreadlocks but he cut them off...and he keeps them in a box in his closet now.
What?!
I'm now a little grossed out and have visuals of him making a coat out of my skin later. "Eeeeeeew, do they smell?" I ask trying my hardest not to be judgemental and freaked out. I don't recall his answer, regardless I don't think you want to know either.
Since we've had a few beers I let this go as well. To be honest it didn't actually occur to me that I should be afraid for my life until the next day as I'm retelling the story and all of the details are strung together.
At the time, the company we work for had just been bought out by another company so everyone was in flux and trying to figure out what their next career move is going to be. At this point I ask him if he's heard of a certain skater brand as I was entertaining a job opportunity. He says "Yes! In fact I just bought a new board! Look at this big scrape I got the other day when I wiped out!". This is where he lifts his leg up to show me a very large scab on his leg. Ga-rosss. I'm again thinking about what else he might have in his closet and bile is starting build in the back of my throat.
He then asks me if I have a camera and still confused and reeling from how this date is unraveling that I answer without thinking. "Yes". He takes my camera and takes a picture of his huge scab while saying something about how cool or big it is (really at this point I'm trying to make sense of what's happening). He hands my camera back to me and asks me if I can e-mail him that pic later.
Um no, that is definitely not going to happen. I of course mumble something like "sure" and throw the camera back into my bag.
At this point I'm still not putting all the events together and trying to be accepting and cool by not freaking out.
We decide that we need to figure out what we are doing next and he asks me "How about you come back to my place so we can blaze (smoke pot) and have sex".
Hmm. I'm thinking to myself, yeah going home with you to be your sex toy while you get high, sounds like a whole lot of fun. Is that him sizing me up to see if I have enough skin to make a coat?
"No, let's go someplace else and have another drink" I say. At this point, I feel like I'm WAY too sober.
The check comes and we're at a bar so the tab was only $35.00. I throw down a $20.00 bill, he pockets it and puts the tab on his credit card without even acknowledging that I pitched in. Alright whatever, he probably needs the extra dough for his next hit.
As we are walking to the next bar he grabs me and starts kissing me. My immediate thought is, well if he's a good kisser that could redeem the whole date and the evening wouldn't be a total loss.
Unfortunately, I think he still has my tonsils and half of my face is covered with slobber. So hot and sexy. Before I figure out how to stop this train wreck he stops kissing me and like I have a snack on my shoulder - he BITES me. Not a fun/sexy nibble, a full mouth with teeth BITE.
Ouch!
Even if I secretly did like pain and biting...I certainly wouldn't like it in public on the street!
So I pry him off of me and tell him I'm parched and need a drink fast. Phew. As we continue walking down the street - he SLAPS my ASS!
Seriously, I wasn't into the biting, certainly not going to be into the spanking.
We finally make it to the next bar and he's still trying to get me to come home with him. "Look", I say "I'm not going to go home with you".
He gets up, pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and goes to the bar to borrow a pen. He writes something on the paper and hands it to me.
It takes me a few minutes to realize what he's given me.
It's a coupon. Seriously. Like that shit needs to be discounted.
It reads:
"Raincheck
Good for one
"good lovn"
before 5/28/2007"
Um. Thank you?
He decides that his job is done and it's finally OK for us to end the date - now that there is a rain check he doesn't need to stress out about getting me back to his place.
We ask for the bill and then he strategically heads to the restroom. I pay the tab, my fault for wanting to get out of there as fast as possible.
You'll be happy to know my Fiona fans, that I did get home safely with all of my skin intact.
Several days later, I have to be back in the office for some meetings. I happen to run into Crazy Trucker Hat while I'm at the office. At first I'm a little mortified and thinking to myself - boy this is going to be awkward. Is he going to ask me why I never redeemed the coupon?
To my surprise and relief he acts like nothing ever happened, like we never saw each other outside of the office and is very friendly and chatty - he's back to cute office guy. No mention of the coupon.
Now, if this guy (cute office guy) had showed up on the date instead of Crazy Trucker Hat...maybe the outcome would've been different.
The moral to this story? You don't always get what you pay for.
p.s. So the burning question is, would he still redeem the coupon if I asked? Is it transferable to someone else? Can the expiration date be extended? and what if the lovn' isn't good? Is there a refund policy?I think you'll agree, we should just leave those questions unanswered.
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