Feisty Fiona's Funny Fables

One night a friend and I decide to attend a "networking" event. Neither one of us had high hopes for this event, as typically networking events are super lame and no one ever shows up. Our evening started out with a very interesting taxi ride, where the taxi driver was trying to tell us that canines weren't carnivores because the name canine was a derivative of "canivorus", which means they only eat vegetables. Um. Right. Can you just drop us at the corner? As we enter the networking party, we were happily surprised that the place was packed. Once we checked in, we were told to go to the name tag table to get our name tags. To our delight the name badges were not pre-made. These name tags however were a bit different. They were color coded by job type (health, business, sales, etc.) and listed on the tags were not only your name but your job title or category. My friend and I have a quick huddle and decide that we need to change our professions. Marketing...

One day, I looked around my house and thought, "How long have I had this furniture?" and noticed that some items were circa 1990. Yikes! So I went out for some retail therapy and a few new items to refresh my home decor. As some of you know, I drive a very cool ghetto fabulous car. The only problem with the car is that it's not great at hauling new furniture around. So I enlisted my faithful neighbor to help me pick up my new dining room table. Off we went to Pier 1. As we were waiting in line to pick up my table, I was teasing my neighbor with all of the ridiculous items at the store that I was going to buy them for Christmas. Sparkly tinsel cone trees in a variety of colors, big balls made of sticks. You can see how funny that might be. Well, there was a guy in line in front of us who was trying really hard to pretend like he wasn't listening in on our conversation. He was also trying really hard to pretend like he wasn't laughing at everything I said. He was pr...

This spring one of my good friends came to town to visit. We thought it would be fun to go up to Vail for the last weekend of ski season and catch Ben Harper at the Spring Back to Vail concert. We are having a blast in Vail and after the concert we head to a bar to see what kind of trouble we can get into. My friend had one goal...she wanted to make out with a cute boy. So we headed out to complete that mission. Of course being the last weekend of the ski season, Vail was packed and there were very long lines to get into almost all of the good establishments. We decided on a bar and waited a few minutes in line (of course talking our way up to the front of the line helps) and as our luck would have it, ended up with prime seats at the far corner of the bar. We order drinks and my friend and I are scoping out the scene and strategizing on how we are going to find just the right candidate for her to make out with. For some reason, I'm actually not in the mood to play her reindeer gam...