Feisty Fiona's Funny Fables

Once we get into the Big Head Todd and the Monsters concert the weather started to turn and a big thunderstorm was coming so my friend and I decided to use our back stage passes to stay dry. We ended up back in the green room drinking (more) beer with none other than Big Head himself and some of the monsters. Once the show started we decided to go find our seats. Well, I use the term "find" loosely. If you've ever been to a red rocks concert with me, you know that I never sit in my assigned/ticketed seat. Really, who would kick out a cute little Jlo booty from standing in front of them? And, I'm not blocking anyones view, so it's a win-win for everyone! I'm not going to reveal my secret on how I am able to sneak into a row that isn't really mine, someday you might find me standing in front of you! Anyway, back to our story. My friend and I end up in about the 10th row in front of some random people. We had been there for quite a while when we had to leave ...

This story isn't as traumatic as my other stories ... you'll be happy to know it doesn't end in disaster. At one of my recent jobs there was a local band (Big Head Todd and the Monsters) that wanted my company to sponsor their upcoming tour so they gave me free tickets and back stage passes to their show at Red Rocks. I invited a friend to join me and we headed up to Red Rocks with our tailgating fair and our tickets. Once at the amphitheater, we parked and arranged our little picnic in the parking lot. For those of you who've been to Red Rocks, you know that tailgating and partying with people you just happen to park next to is part of the whole experience. So, in the next row of cars, in the car right across from us, there are three people. A couple and their friend. Immediately they start to chat with us. Evidently they just picked their friend up from the airport the night before from finishing his tour in Iraq. His friend then tells us that since he's been in I...

At one of my recent jobs I had the luxury of working from home but also had the option of working from the headquarter office whenever I wanted. They furnished me with an awesome corner window cube. On the occaisions I had to go into the office it was a great place to get some work done. One day while I was at said office, I was working on a project that had me interact with co-workers in one of the categories I hadn't worked with much. I end up meeting and working with a cute guy. He had a financial/inventory type job and looked the part - khakis, button down shirt, clean cut. He also seemed to keep up on his personal hygiene. Added to the fact that he had a good job he seemed promising. We chatted/flirted for a bit and I find out that he's from my home state. Cool, we have something else in common. We exchange phone numbers and text/e-mail flirt for about a week, and of course I make up a few extra excuses to work in the office that week. We finally decide that we should go t...

This is a very short story, literally and figuratively. Have you ever read a story and after a few days get to the end, only to realize that you only just needed to read the title to get the whole point of the story? I met a cute guy at a bar one night, we exchanged numbers and went on a few innocent dates. After the proverbial third date, he ended up with the nickname Jack Rabbit on Crack. The moral to this story? Faster doesn't always win the race and short isn't always sweet.

The story of Camel Toe starts out promising and just ends in disaster. He actually started out with the nickname "Hot Six-Pack" and then ends up with the unfortunate moniker Camel Toe. I was in my home town visiting one labor day weekend and had been downtown at the city's last First Thursday art walk of the year. As I was waiting on the corner waiting for the valet to bring my car around, I run into a guy that I recognized from an old job. We hugged and caught up for a minute and he introduced me to his friend as "This is Fiona, we went to high school together". I think OK we went to high school together. Although I have no recollection that this is where I actually know him. We exchanged phone numbers, and as he was entering my number into his phone I noticed that he's wearing one of those work shirts that had a shell gas station patch on one sleeve and was embroidered on the left chest "Raw Dog". Which I'm sure this is supposed to be some so...